I wonder what Thanksgiving is like up there? I hope it is 1000x more magical and fun. I hope you cooked an amazing dinner for the brothers and other people we know. I know you cross that bridge nearly every night to be in my dreams, and I can't thank you enough. Our little visits might not even make sense to me sometimes, but it's very comforting just to feel your presence with me. I often wake up feeling bad, like I left you hanging. I am sorry if I ever have. Thank you mom for holding my hand through these holidays from the Heavens. As I cooked my very first Thanksgiving dinner, I felt you near me. Almost as if you were directing me on what to do. And guess what mom, it was pretty darn good. I even made sure to add your yellow food coloring to the egg noodles. I couldn't imagine eating them without it. The taste of the food brought me right back to the good days. Standing by your side at the stove, just waiting eagerly for that bird to be cooked. As Tupac says in his song "Dear Mama"- "She made a miracle every Thanksgiving." That was you. Even if you didn't feel good or times were hard, we ate. I can't imagine how good it must have been for you and Grams to eat your first turkey together in nearly 50 years. I hope it was the best family reunion you've had. One day, we all will be at the table. We miss you dearly. All of your kids are having a hard time with you being gone, but you molded us to be strong. To take care of ourselves despite the rainy days. I cry at the mention of you sometimes, simply because nothing can take the pain away. But I, and the family have to realize we KNOW you are somewhere where there is so much love. There isn't anything to worry about. No pain. I hated seeing you suffer. Thankfully, grandma and the brothers were there when you passed away. You were talking to them. We know you went with them. We also know that our protectors are there, even when you pass. I just wanted to write you and tell you how much I miss you. How thankful I am to see you in my dreams. To feel your warmth around me. I can see your eyes in mine if I look in my mirror hard enough. In that sense, you are still alive in different ways. Your kids, your cooking, your stories, and I will fiercely guard these memories close to me until I see you again. I love you so very much. Happy holidays up there. Please remain at peace, and let all early worries go in the name of Jesus Christ. Sweet dreams, Mom.